having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer
✨My Top 10 Favourite Non-Musical Chaotic Moments From Sanremo Herstory✨
Sanremo is technically the Festival of Italian Music™ yet people have been watching it for everything but the music since time immemorial. So if you thought that peak chaos had already been reached with the artists’ shenanigans, I’m here to demonstrate that they were merely trying to keep up with everyone else around them trying to win the prize of Most Unhinged Personality.
What follows is a collection of things that 100% actually happened on the Sanremo stage that have nothing to do with the competition.
This is Roberto Benigni’s world and we’re just living in it
1. 1980 - My parents made me aware of this moment and I’m so mad I didn’t know about it until now. Basically Benigni was hosting Sanremo that year and he decided to make the most iconic monologue in Sanremo herstory. It’s basically a manifesto to free love and a critique of the fact that the catholic church gatekeeps sexual behaviors from its followers even in the constraints of marriage. This 5 minute comedic masterpiece has everything: a name drop of the pope using a derogatory nickname, Benigni and his co-host and partner Olimpia Carlisi fully making out in front of everyone’s salad for a solid 30 seconds (an eternity for TV time) and a mic drop. People talked about the kiss for weeks, truly a win for the lobby etero. Roberto Benigni is famous internationally for his walk on the chairs when he was accepting the Oscar for La Vita è Bella, but I personally think this should be his legacy.
2. 2011 - In the year of the 150th anniversary of the Italian unification, Benigni comes on stage riding an actual horse and carrying the Italian flag (Achille Lauro wishes), then makes a speech about the Italian anthem being written by Mameli when he was still underage (21 was the age of maturity back then), alluding to bunga bunga cause this was 2011 after all.
3. 2020 - Benigni comes back with a vengeance to teach us about Il Cantico dei Cantici, some ancient biblical text that the modern catholic church has successfully buried because of its explicit mentions of physical love and sex. Other people have already talked about this, but I wanted to include it cause with the knowledge of what he did in 1980, I consider this a full circle moment. He came in minchia first, he was a short king with a tall queen, he exhibited peak Italianness when he talked about the three most important things for italians other than food (the church, sex and b*rlusconi) and he left no survivors. I doubt he will never be invited to Sanremo again.
Sanremo 1994 & 1995: the Pippo Baudo Circus
4. 1994 - Sir Elthon John and thee RuPaul sing Don’t go Breaking my Heart while the audience looks at them in shock? awe? disgust? appreciation? You decide, they’re iconic in any way.
5. 1995 - Sir Elton John was invited again, but at the eleventh hour, host Pippo Baudo was informed that his highly paid anticipated appearance had been canceled, allegedly because he’d just had a fight with his partner and didn’t feel like going on stage anymore, so he just took a private jet back to London. Sir Elthon John the gay legend that you are.
6. 1995 - This one moment is the reason why I created this list. I wasn’t even alive when this happened but I’m pretty sure I was born with the memory of this event already planted in my brain. It should be the only question they ask when applying for citizenship cause if you know about this you are Italian, I don’t care. I’m of course talking about the suicide attempt of Pino Pagano from the balcony of the Ariston theater, which Pippo Baudo bravely stopped all on his own. It’s ok, we can joke about this cause years later Pino Pagano himself admitted that it was all fake, a stunt orchestrated by him with the complacency of Rai and probably Pippo Baudo himself. All of this for the chance of becoming famous and for the ratings. I mean, they succeed but at what cost?
7. 2012 - You know how, in English, pussy technically means female cat but everyone uses it to refer to the vagina? Well the word farfallina basicallyserves the the same function in Italian. It technically means small butterfly, but it’s the word a little girl would use to refer to her vagina, in a cute, non-sexual way. Anyway here’s showgirl and co-host Belen Rodriguez and her farf[gunshot].
8. 2015 - Of course I had to leave an entry for the quota democristiana, which was filled when a traditional family composed of genitore 1, genitore 2 and sixteen (16) children was invited to counterbalance the invitation of Conchita Wurst, queer icon of Eurovision winning fame.
9. Just every time orchestra director Beppe Vessicchio has graced us with his presence. He’s the main character of Sanremo, whenever he’s introduced the audience claps and cheers for him the loudest, much to the disrespect of the singer who’s actually getting ready to sing on stage. Why would the audience do something so controversial yet so brave? Cause they’re right, Mr. Beppe Vessicchio deserves all the applauses; singers come and go but he’s always been there for us (since 1990) with his comforting smile and amazing hair, and always will.
10. The Sanremo flowers controversy - Sanremo is not only the city were the competition takes place, but it’s also known as the city of flowers, so it’s tradition that all the female singers and guests receive a bouquet of Sanremo flowers each night that they come in stage. Yes only the women. It’s all very patronizing towards women and sexist towards men. Well, in a rare example of male-female solidarity and communism, in recent years the artists have started to show their disapproval of this practice. Now it’s not unusual to see female singers promptly share their flowers with the men on stage (if there are any), it’s kinda hilarious cause some of them cannot wait to get rid of the bouquet. Che la sinistra riparta dai fiori per tutt* a Sanremo.
